Moonspun

Autumn ideas

2011-10-01T22:19:00.000-07:00

Autumn is a wonderful season for the young child - so much colour and magic! Here are a few of the things we did to celebrate Autumn.

The sugar fairy.

We would leave her a little saucer of sugar, and she would give us a gift in return - a small jewel, a tiny doll, a gold coin.

Leaf tissue paper.

We placed bright autumn leaves and shavings of wax crayons in swirls between sheets of tissue paper. Covering the tissue with newspaper, we ironed the paper until the crayon melted and sealed the tissue together. This is lovely to cut into shapes and hang in windows, to make into lanterns, or to use as wrapping paper.

Chocolate leaves.

We painted mesculun leaves with melted chocolate, and placed it in the refrigerator to harden. Once set, we peeled off the lettuce and had chocolate leaves. Lovely to place in bowels of fruit.

The apple star story.

This is an old favourite of ours. You can find one version here.

Cushions.

Autumn is a season in which we start making things to warm and soften our home for the cold months. Lily would cut out circles of material and sew along the edges loosely then draw the thread tight, making a gathered circle. We sewed these onto cushions as decoration. We also made draught-blockers, aprons, blankets, and lap quilts - sweet and easy sewing projects for a young child.

Autumn weaving.

We made weaving frames from twigs which we found in our garden. They could be flat square-shaped, like a traditional frame, or tent-shaped for a three dimensional structure, or anything we wanted. We tied them together with autumn-coloured wool. Around these frames we wove leaves, vines, and flowers. The weaving doesn't last for long, so take a photo!

The quest.

As there was only one child in our homeschool, we never did the traditional autumn spiral walk seen in many Waldorf-inspired homes. Instead, my daughter went on a spirit quest. I gave her a lovely polished pebble which represented a wish or goal she had for herself. She placed this in a bowl which was half-filled with water. Then I blind-folded her and guided her by voice through an obstacle course which I had created in the living room using furniture and muslin cloths. Each obstacle represented an obstacle in her real life. She had to make it around the course without tipping her stone from the bowl.

Leaf art.

We traced around leaves from our garden then coloured in the shapes using beeswax crayons or watercolour paint.

Lanterns.

We made lanterns in several different ways. One favourite was to paper mache coloured tissue paper to an inflated balloon and, when it was dry, cut holes in the round shape, put a candle inside through one of these holes and glue it to the bottom, and tie coloured string to the top. The light shining through is beautiful.

Recycled crayons.

We shaved down old crayons, and broke them into little chunks, and mixed the colours together in small tin muffin trays. We melted these in the oven then let them set, and then had a whole new set of rainbow-coloured crayons.

Soup.

We made soup and told this lovely story.

Bird feeders.

Gathering pinecones, we covered them with peanut butter and seeds, then hung them from trees to feed the wonderful wild birds in our garden.

Fairy houses.

As the weather began to get colder, we made sure our garden fairies were well-provisioned. We approached various trees and asked them to help us shelter our fairy friends. Then at the foot of these trees we built little fairy houses from twigs, leaves, wool, ferns, moss. My daughter was always delighted by evidence of occupation - glitter sprinkled outside, a tiny letter left for her, incy wincy fairy laundry hanging from a washing line.

telling stories to learn

2011-08-10T14:39:00.001-07:00

This morning I read about the Scottish Storyline teaching method, thanks to a link from Katie at Dust and Honey, who is one of my favourite webloggers. The Storyline method reflects the Socratic teaching method in a way that is dynamic, colourful, and fun for young children.

As I was reading through, I wondered why I was so enthusiastic about it. My ability for immediate recall is a ruin, thanks to fibromyalgia, but given a moment I can remember vividly. About twenty minutes after reading the article, I finally realised why the Scottish Storyline excited me so much. It's what Lily and I had done naturally in our homeschool!

Although I felt at the time I was homeschooling that I was all over the place with my methodology, hindsight shows me clearly that we generally stayed with the educational plan I'd attached myself to when she was still a baby : unit studies. I remember dreaming about this mode of education as I took her for afternoon walks in the pram. Even after discovering the wonders of unschooling, and then of Charlotte Mason education, my practice and Lily's natural learning style always veered back to unit studies. And even now that she is ~~unschooled~~, ~~in charge of her own learning~~, just getting on with her life, she still learns by immersion. Something certainly was guiding me as I selected unit studies for her homeschooling, years before I had any idea how she would naturally learn.

One storyline we particularly enjoyed was when Lily took the job of International Animal Rescue Specialist. A letter would arrive in the mailbox for her, requesting help in solving the problem of bobcats in Florida, snow leopards in Tibet, and so on. She would reply, accepting the job, then prepare her equipment, plan her journey (the travel agent people expressed bemusement at "the crazy stuff they make kids learn in school these days" and we never bothered to enlighten them) and basically work her way through the story of it. The learning was rich and deep. Afterwards, she would be interviewed about her experience and everything would go into a book.

Using this method, Lily rescued a number of animals, created more than one specialist zoo, travelled the American prairies as an immigrant from England, built a village, ran a shipping line bringing settlers to New Zealand, started a farm of her own in New Zealand, raised and trained a dragon long before the idea became commercial, and so on.

The method has one significant flaw which kept us from achieving perfect success : it really needs more than one student in order to make it truly fun and expansive. Or in lieu of that, it needs a highly energised, involved and keen mother/teacher. I freely admit I burned out around the time Lily turned ten. I'm of a quiet temperament, and there was only so much enthusiasm in me! I used up the entire store on this teaching method. But I went for seven years, the important years, so that's pretty good. And I had a lot of fun myself.

I also credit this method with teaching Lily how to research, figure things out, problem solve, and develop her imagination. Sometimes it bemuses me that people teach young children in any other way.

home spirit

2011-07-25T16:50:00.000-07:00

Once when I was much younger, I joined my family for a Sunday gathering. At one point in the afternoon, I heard my brother ask where I was. My mother replied, "Probably in a corner somewhere, reading a book."

And I was.

This is one of my favourite memories of all time, because it showed me not only who I am, but that someone else recognised it in me. I am a corner girl, a bookish girl. I come from a family of adventurers. My daughter is perhaps the boldest adventurer of them all. But I am really only truly happy when I can sit at home and hear all about other people's grand fun.

A couple of years ago, our family went on holiday to an island. All day every day, people swam and fished and kayaked and climbed hills and made bush huts. I tried to keep up, but I was quietly miserable. On the last day, I stood washing dishes in the kitchen, and finally felt at peace.

I love watching adventure films, and really my reading preference is for adventure books. I love helping my daughter go upon her adventures, and I'm proud of her brave spirit. But living them myself ... no thank you.

There's nothing wrong with being a quiet, gentle homebody. Unless of course you come from a family of action-seekers, in which case there's still nothing wrong with it, but you have to struggle within yourself for a long time to accept that it's simply your version of normal, and no you are not a weakling or a wus. (Not that anyone calls me such, I just feel I ought to be joining them in flying gliders and doing safaris and surfing waves taller than them and diving and exploring the desert ...)

Accepting myself as a homey girl means being able to embrace it fully and to appreciate my worth to other people - especially to my heroic derring-doers.

We live in a brick cottage in a valley which I thought was lovely when I first saw it, but turned out to be so dirtied by the previous tenants, we can never really get it clean to our standard, no matter how much we scrub. Also, the places we go most are very far afield. So although I try to make the house homey, and my daughter says I have succeeded, I have learnt since living here that home is more of a feeling, and action, rather than a place. My daughter confirms this for me when she talks of her home beach, how it makes her feel, and how much intimate knowledge she has of its various features. We don't live there, but it's home.

So I try to think alot about how I can bring home to other people through the words I speak, the routines I establish, the things I carry in my bag. So home is mixed nuts and cranberries, lemon water, hand signals, routines. It is a warm smile, shared jokes, listening.

I've only come to understand this recently. I've been thinking that I had nothing to offer except supervision while my daughter adventured, because the home I wanted to give her was a house far away. But now I see the truth of it, I finally feel my worth, and my self-fulfillment, because home is where the heart is - because home is in my heart.

service in childhood

2011-07-24T21:22:00.000-07:00

This weekend, I fell sick. It is rare for me to feel so unwell that I can not stir from my bed, but yesterday was one of those times.

In the past, I would have set up a bed on the couch so I could continue supervising my child. I would have struggled through making her meals and seeing her daily chores done. But Lily is twelve now, and more responsible than even I realised. She took wonderful care of me, including baking scones for our lunch without being asked, and of herself and the house.

I trusted her, and she was trustworthy. It has always been my belief that a child's work should be as genuine and meaningful as an adult's (which is why we ultimately ended up unschooling.) Consequently, Lily knew what to do, because she has been raised up to do it. And she enjoyed it. Who doesn't enjoy being trusted to hold a position of responsibility?

We never played house together when she was little. I didn't have entertaining kitchen sessions with special kiddy ingredients. Making scrambled eggs is just as much fun for a child as making cupcakes or curly dough shapes - if not more so as they see the family sit down to eat their cooking for dinner, for real. I always allowed Lily to take her work very seriously, and these days I see that attitude reflected in her approach to sport and learning also.

When I went to school, I attended home economics classes for a couple of years - they only had them in intermediate/middle school. I desperately wanted to learn the domestic art of cooking, because I was a homey girl even back then. But there was no soul or respect in the classroom, and all I remember from those lessons was my teacher berating me furiously for pulling the broom rather than pushing it. I was determined when I had a child that she would have a sense from very early on that our home was her home, and that with the comforts of that also came the joyful responsibilities. So she has been baking since she was two years old, and learning all the other things it takes to keep a home. And yesterday she did it perfectly.

It's nice to be proven right ;-)

summertime crafts

2007-11-26T18:43:00.000-08:00

Here are some ideas for crafts that can be made to celebrate summer or, if you live in the Southern Hemisphere, to celebrate Advent and Christmas, or Litha.

Padded hearts.

Cut out two pieces of fabric or felt into heart shapes - or any shape you desire; for example, leaves, Christmas trees, circles for suns, stars. You can have both pieces the same colour, or complimentary or contrasting colours. If you wish to decorate the pieces, you can sew or glue on strips of lace, circles cut from paper lace doilies, felt or fabric shapes, sparkles, and so on. Now sew the pieces together, with good sides facing each other. Blanket stitch is best. Leave a gap at the top where the heart indents. Turn inside out, fill with stuffing, tuck a looped ribbon into the opening, and sew shut.

Paper angels.

Take one hollowed, plain wooden bead and a pipe cleaner cut to about 10cm or so. Fold the pipe cleaner in half and insert the bent end into the bead. Spread the arms out. Sew a knotted thread through the bend of the pipe cleaner where it sticks out the top of the head (push it back into the bead afterwards) and then weave it around the neck and shoulders until it is secure. Knot and cut off.

Wrap white fleece around the arms. You only need a very little bit. The fleece will stick to itself so you don't need glue.

Cut a dress using fairly heavy paper (I used lovely recycled paper from Small Meadow Press). A petal-shaped dress looks nice. At the neckline, cut a V-shape for the head to fit through. Punch the paper with a needle to make decorations of a lacy effect. Glue the dress at the breast but leave the skirts open.

Glue fleece to the head for hair and glue on a crown which you can make from carboard, tinsel, ribbon, or finger-knitted wool.

You can make wings from fleece, tissue paper, or cellophane. We did it very simply by getting a rectangular length of our chosen material, folding both ends into the middle so they overlapped slightly, then twisted. We then glued this to the back of the dress.

If you want to hang your angels to a tree or in a window, use a threaded needle to attach a loop of thread through that bend of pipe cleaner at the top of the head. It is easier to do this way back in the beginning before your angel has hair, but the thread might get in your way as you work.

A tissue sun.

Using fairly strong carboard, cut out a large circle. Rip red and yellow or orange tissue/crepe paper into pieces. Scrunch these pieces up and glue them onto the circle. You might choose to organise them according to some design. You can also make paper or cardboard rays to emanate from the sun.

Paper stars.

Obtain gold, orange, or red-gold coloured paper, or use your own wet-on-wet painted paper. Fold into quarters, and cut shapes from the edges - triangles of different angles and lengths, curves, whatever you like. Unfold and discover the beautiful stars (snowflakes) you have created.

String of stars.

Fold golden paper into an accordian, draw a circle (or angel or star) on the top, and cut around that shape. This is just like how you make paper dolls. After unfolding, you can decorate with coloured pencils or by glueing on glitter, lace, or contrasting coloured paper.

Wool tassel fairies.

These are the simplest fairies for little children to make. Wind wool around a piece of card, then cut across one end. Sliding carefully off the card, tie a little down from the top, thus creating a head shape with a skirt. Make wings from cellophane, cardboard, wool, felt, etc, and tie or glue them to the back of the fairy.

Fleece butterflies.

Take a sheaf of fleece. You can merge two colours together by gently teasing them into one mass. Fold the ends into the centre so they overlap slightly. Twist around at the centre to secure. Then twist a pipe cleaner around the centre and curl each end. Within less than a minute you have a darling wee butterfly. You could also make them with tissue paper or cellophane.

a doll of one's own

2007-11-04T15:42:00.001-08:00

Since my daughter was very young, I wanted her to have a Waldorf doll. However, they cost a lot of money, and at the time I was still invested in quantity and diversity. I didn't really believe one doll would be enough, and so buying a Waldorf doll seemed like a foolishly expensive thing to do.

Now that her small childhood is finished and she is entering her teenaged years, I see clearly that I was mistaken. One doll would have been more than enough. All those other toys I got her were not only a waste of money, but a waste of her imagination and emotional connections. She has stayed close to the pair of teddies she has had since birth, but everything else was just "stuff".

I remember when she was a year old, we lost her teddy in a shopping mall. She wasn't able to sleep without it, so I ran back in and tried to find it, with no luck. So I bought her another, which she grudgingly accepted. The next day, I returned to the mall with added determination - and found her teddy! The new one was put aside, and years later I gave it to someone else so it could be loved. I should have learned then what I know so surely now. One is not only enough, it encourages a true heart connection in a way lots can never do.

My daughter and I are sensible, pragmatic people, but we both agree that teddies and dolls have a special kind of life to them, perhaps born from the love we feel for them. That is why I never throw them away, but adopt them out to other people - children and even adults - who can give them love.

With one special toy, we parents can gift our children the opportunity to make real friends with that teddy or doll, and through them learn about caring, kindness, comfort, trust, and all the other things real friends give us.

By the time I gained enough courage to make Lily a Waldorf doll of her own, she was eight and on the verge of being too old for playing with dolls. But she loves it anyway, and I can only imagine what this doll's destiny will turn out to be.

It was much easier than I always thought to make this doll. And such a satisfying experience. Not only does she look like Lily, but as I made it I meditated upon my child and her special soul qualities. I'm sure that emanates from the doll.

More information:

Sarah's Dolls

This website explains why Waldorf dolls are so special.

Echoes of a Dream

Here you will find some good visual instructions on dollmaking.

Crafty Sheep.

Here is a wonderful list of Waldorf dollmaking resources.

flowermoon

2007-10-31T12:55:00.000-07:00

Today in my part of the world is the first day of November, or Flowermoon. As we head into summer, the beautiful world out there is simply irresistable to us, and we spend less time over lessons at our dining room table. We go for long rambling walks. We absorb the gorgeous colours of flowers and trees and the sky, then paint them on wet paper, blur them with beeswax crayons onto warm paper, dye them into muslin scarves, and weave them with wool and cotton thread. We make flower wreaths, butterflies for our windows, hang crystals, play with water, and decorate our path with bright spirals, flowers, and poems. We clutter our windowsills with small painted, beglittered pebbles. We do lessons in the garden, while on a picnic, and late in the afternoon when it is cooler for thinking.

Although we are more untethered in this season, we do continue our homeschooling right through. Summer is a great time to begin a unit study of astronomy ... trees ... the sun ... the coastline ... the sea. It is also just right for studying Monet, the music of Mozart, the poems of Elizabeth Barrett Browning and Robert Frost and Shakespeare.

I miss my shawls and slippers in this third of the year. I suffer from the heat. But with Christmas and baby birds and a luxury of flowers to look forward to, this surely is the best season of childhood any mother could wish for her daughter.

mother magic

2007-10-23T22:37:00.000-07:00

Like attracts like. I have been told this often enough to stress myself out completely! I worry that I am not being positive enough to attract positive energy, and therefore am attracting negative energy! So the advice only has the opposite effect on my psyche and also probably my well-being.

However, I apply it with absolute comfort and surety with my parenting. Like certainly attracts like when dealing with children.

Everyone knows that, when a parent is stressed or aggravated, their children will pick it up and act it out for them. Everyone also knows that a calm and gentle parent usually creates calm and gentle children. I have seen this in my own family. But I've seen something else, something deeper, almost magical, which amazes me.

When I believe my child will succeed, she does. When I believe that she will behave well, she does. When I tell her to go clean her teeth, and then envision her doing so, she actually will be cleaning her teeth - as opposed to playing in her room or splashing about with water in the bathroom sink or sitting beside the bath trying to figure out how plumbing works.

And yet, when I dread putting her maths lesson down infront of her, believing she will resist doing it, sure enough a battle ensues.

I never talked to her about my expectations of her behaviour. I never said, "I trust you to clean your teeth." I just did trust it, silently within myself, and somehow that worked.

So I believe the thought environment of a home is as influential as the physical and emotional environment. Envisioning peace and happiness can actually bring it about.

When my daughter was little, I would start each morning with a cuddle and a little talk. I'd tell her what we'd be doing through the day, and how much fun we were going to have, how happy we would be, how peaceful we'd feel. And it worked. I set up an unconscious thought pattern which expected happiness and peace and so got happiness and peace. We didn't even have to work at it.

Mother magic!

five minute wool fairies

2007-10-11T22:36:00.000-07:00

This is an idea from my daughter Lily. Wrap wool around and around two fingers (or three if you are a child), then thread another bit of wool through the loop and tie together with a firm knot so it secures the strands of wool. Pull the wool off your fingers, then cut through them on the side opposite to the knot. You now have a very thin and floppy pom-pom.

Drape all the wool strands down in the same direction and gather together so it looks like a tassel. Near the top, tie another strand of wool around the tassel, thus making a little head. Make a bow from ribbon to form wings, or cut wings out of cardboard. Glue or sew to the wool. You can also wrap fine tinsel around the head as a crown.

If you want to hang your fairy, sew a double strand of thread (or fishing line) through the knot at the top of the head, tie to make a loop, and hang from a hook, door handle, curtain railing, mobile, or Christmas tree branch.

a surprise gift

2007-10-02T22:28:00.000-07:00

Imagine this ...

A child comes out in the morning of their birthday or Christmas to find one gift awaiting them : a key. Or a pair of scissors if you don't have a keyhole! This key (pair of scissors) opens the locked (beribboned) door of their playroom ... which they discover has been completely transformed overnight.

New decor, old furniture rearranged and re-covered, new things everywhere! Baskets with painted stones. Small knitted animals tucked in corners. Books stacked on repainted shelves, and within their pages, pressed flowers or beautifully handmade bookmarks. Hand-sewn cushions. A new bedspread, perhaps quilted together from old baby clothes. Pink muslin curtains in the window, making the room glow softly like the sunlit heart of a rose. Hand-painted balsa wood containers. Their own artwork from months ago, framed on the wall. Felt fairies hanging in mobiles, bells strung together to make chimes, baskets full of inexpensive crafting accessories. Beautiful tea cups and plates bought from thrift shops. A rack of handmade dress-up costumes. Small wrapped gifts tucked away for them to find throughout the days. All kinds of lovingly handmade or inexpensive things that, on their own, may seem paltry to a generous-hearted mother, but gathered together make one great big amazing gift.

I've done this twice with my daughter. She had accumulated too much plastic and other junk. So I sent her off with someone for the day, and I worked like mad to achieve the long-planned transformation. When she arrived home, she found a trail of silks and rose petals leading her to bedroom door. On the door was a sign, informing her that the fairies had been working within.

She was delighted, and not at all concerned about the removed plastic - although I kept it aside, just incase she would be upset, so she wouldn't feel I'd betrayed her.

using colour-washed paper

2007-09-29T22:56:00.000-07:00

So you have stacks of abstracts paintings and wet-on-wet painted paper from your child's art activities? Don't just throw them away, they can be used in many wonderful ways.

* backgrounds for other paintings or drawings
* gift cards
* notebook covers and covers for mini-books, and for flap-books attached to lapbooks
* backgrounds for written reports
* background for posters
* bookmarks
* labels for parcels
* frames for other pictures : especially nice when cut to resemble paper lace
* backgrounds for framed photographs
* cutout flower or heart shapes
* paper doll dresses
* snowflakes
* paper lace trim for dolls' house shelves
* lakes or meadows for toy animal habitats
* paper jewellry
* and so on

The pictures in this post were done by Lily when she was four.

the mother-in-waiting season

2007-09-27T13:42:00.000-07:00

It is Spring in our part of the world, and we have been doing a few crafts for the season. I love Spring, it really does have that feeling of peace, anticipation, and joy a pregnant goddess might experience.

Butterflies

At the Winter Solstice, we made discs of card painted on one side the sun designs and colours, on the other with water designs and colours, to hang in our window to greet the returning sun. Now we change them to butterflies. Fold the discs in half and cut curves along the edges to make butterfly shapes. It is lovely to use winter crafts again at the Spring Equinox, to symbolise that it is all the same water and light and earth material in a new phase of its life. We hang the butterflies from a length of rainbow-coloured finger-knitted wool in our window. Paper leaves and flowers can be hung also.

Bride Wheels

Take two sticks of equal length from your garden, and a whole pile of different-coloured wool. Weave them around the sticks, beginning from the centre - under, over, under, over. Making the eye of the sun, dreaming of the child within, weaving bones and fire and life. These are wonderfully easy for even small children to make. As we are in the Southern Hemisphere, Spring unfolds to Christmas, and so we love to decorate our Christmas tree with these Bride Wheels. It is a nice way to honour the mother/wife of God on his special day.

Paper flowers

Have you ever made paper snowflakes? We make our flowers in the same way, only using brightly coloured paper. We make a circle shape for the heart of the flower, and oval shapes for each petal rimming it.

Maiden Crown

On Imbolc, the Festival of Lights, the first Spring holy day, you can make a special day for a girl(s) in your family. I would go out very early in the morning and gather wildflowers for Lily. I was lucky at the time to have wild roses and other flowers growing in my neighbourhood. In later years, I had to use paper flowers.

Using florist wire (but you can use vines, straw, Christmas tinsel, or thickly plaited string) make a circlet to sit upon the girl's head. Wrap it with strips of lace, ribbon, or green vine. Attach the flowers using cotton thread. You can also attach small bells. Long colourful ribbons can be tied to the back.

Another circlet woven with long bright ribbons and bells can make a lovely fairy tambourine.

Magical Baby

Another traditional craft for Imbolc involves making a goddess child, or magical baby, or fairy child, or perhaps baby Jesus. Here are two ideas for doing this:

* Wrap a plain wooden bead in fleece until only a small part is showing (for the face). Make a crib for the baby by plaiting fleece together, coiling it around, sewing the coils together, then shaping and teasing it until it has become a basket or crib for the baby to lie inside.

* Make a baby doll using a hollow bead, pipe cleaners, and felt. Fold a short length of pipe cleaner in half, and insert into the hollow of the bead so the top of the fold is poking out a tiny bit. Using needle and thread, sew a knot to the top of the pipe cleaner fold, thentake the thread down the bead to sew another knot around the pipe cleaner at the bottom of the bead where it is the "neck". Then press the top of the pipe cleaner inside the bead so it doesn't show. Stretch out the pipe cleaner to make arms. You can now dress this frame with felt sleeves and a skirt. Use fleece or wool glued onto the bead for hair. Make sure you glue the hair to the side of the bead where the thread shows! If you don't have material for hair, you can use felt to make a scarf.

Now make the baby doll's bed from a matchbox. Line the box with material, felt, or fleece. Wrap the outside of the box also with material. You can glue or sew decorations onto the material or embroider it.

Here are some dolls made by little girls in one of my craft classes.

child observation

2007-07-18T20:09:00.000-07:00

I recently heard about child observation studies done at Waldorf schools. I also this article on the subject. It is true that I feel a certain uneasiness about respecting a child's privacy - close observation is, after all, a trespass, even though the child is not aware of it. But I can also see that such an observation, done with love, reverence, and respect, would be invaluable especially to a homeschooling mother.

There seem to be different views on how such a study should be undertaken. One person suggested a five week process as the adult observed different realms of the child's being-state each week. I am too impatient for this! Also, in my experience, when one's mind is open to receive impressions from a child under observation, you can't just ignore something about their feeling state because this is the week you are watching their physical state. I believe it would be helpful to have a list of all the things you want to watch for, perhaps to pray this list beforehand or otherwise place your intension into higher consciousness, and then open your mind to observation. You could then note what impressions come to you regardless of their category.

Some things to ask yourself when observing your child ...

How is she in the world?

What relationship does she have with space? How do her feet stand on the ground - firmly, lightly, crookedly, etc? Does she hold herself tall or tucked in? Which element does she respond to best, and where does she need more balance? For example, my daughter is a water child - it is almost the entirety of her astrological chart and I could see it even before I did her chart. This water spirit emerges in her personality, her way of handling herself and incoming stimuli, and the way she perceives the world. She benefits from my earthiness to balance her out.

What do her communications tell you?

All behaviour is communication. What does your child say, how does she say it, what does she show in her movements, draw in her pictures, express in her eyes? When she is angry or has a tantrum, what is she trying to communicate?

What shape do her thoughts take?

Is she a questioner? Does she always see the glass as half-full or half-empty? Does she have a tendency towards melancholia, or is she more sanguine? Is she an introvert, needing emotional space to recharge her batteries, or is she extroverted?

How does the child feel about herself?

Is she self-confident and certain? Or does she have doubts about her personality and style? Where did these doubts originate? How do they influence her behaviour (in other words, how is she communicating in order to seek reassurance for who she is?)

How well do her instincts serve her?

Does she notice when her body is cold or hot? Does she run blithely toward risk? Does she over-read her instincts and become fearful when it's not really necessary? What practice does she need to rebalance her instincts?

What is hidden in this child?

Is there anything you can't discern during your observation period? Why do you think this might be?

Meditative practices are also helpful during this process. For example, you could form an image in your mind of your child in terms of nature - what tree, flower, sky, landscape personifies her best? Another example is to create an imaginary scene in your mind which you know would attract her - including toys or equipment she would like, a certain season, trees or buildings. How would she enter this scene - cautiously, skipping, angrily?

Allow your impressions to guide you. Don't rush through the observation, but let images and feelings take form in their own natural time within your mind. I also like asking a child's angels/guardian spirits for input.

When you have completed your observation and written your notes in whatever method is most helpful for you, it can be beneficial for some people to finish processing the work in an artistic way, for example painting or the writing of a story or poem.

(Ideas developed personally from the abovelinked article found at Waldorf Library and in private discussion.)

don't laugh!

2007-07-06T15:45:00.001-07:00

I often hear that using humor is a great way to distract a child who is suffering a tantrum. I will agree that it can indeed work, but I don't know that it is a aways good idea. Making the child laugh is simply layering yet another emotion over the chaos of emotions that are expressing themselves as a tantrum. I think it's wonderful to use humor if you sense a tantrum coming, but once the child has lost control of their emotions it is not a healthy remedy.

I believe it is more helpful in the long term to soothe the crying child - to subdue their emotions through gentle distraction rather than humor. Take their hand and stroke it softly, perhaps describing the hand as a flower, each of the petals unfolding to the sunlight. Or draw a lovely design on their hand. Or stroke their head and sing to them. Or simple breathe together - breathe in a golden light, wait as it soaks through your body, warming you, calming you, then breathe out.

This method may not be as instantly successful as the charm of laughter or fun distractions, but what it teaches the child in the long term is how to calm their own emotions and get themselves grounded once more. This is an essential skill, especially as Mama won't be around forever to distract and delight them when they are hurting!

a song for peace

2007-07-01T23:39:00.000-07:00

If your child is having a tantrum, they have become flooded with feelings which are beyond their ability to control. I will never believe children are as cunningly manipulative as some people would have them. I believe they are small people with big feelings and not yet enough wisdom to contain themselves. Part of the energy of a tantrum surely comes from the child's fear at being so overwhelmed by feeling.

I believe the best remedy for a tantrum (if you have been unable to prevent it from occurring in the first place) is to gently hug your child - or sit with them if they can not bear to be touched - and rock or stroke them, and most especially to sing to them.

It works best if you have a gentle lullaby which you have been singing to your child for years for comforting in babyhood or in order to calm them before sleep. Nothing too complex - just a very quiet, soothing, repetitive tune (it may even be wordless). From the time Lily was a baby, I sang the same simple little song to her at times of peace, warmth, and happiness, so she came to associate it with feeling nice. When I then sang it to her during sorrowful or fearful times, she immediately calmed. It still works, many years along the track.

A simple little song will sink right through that tumult of emotion which words can never order, and it will wrap around the child's soul, letting them feel that they are loved and protected. Which is primarily what the tantruming child wants, deep down, to be reassured about.

daily blessing

2007-07-01T23:34:00.000-07:00

When my daughter was young, we would sing a little song when we awoke in the morning and at each bedtime. This gave way over time to other rhythms, and now I offer her breakfast in bed and a quiet atmosphere to help her make the transition to wakefulness. But the song remains a dear memory in my heart.

Each morning we would sing ...

Good morning, good morning
good morning to you
animals and trees
and flowers in bloom
good morning, good morning
good morning to all
people and fairies
we greet you with our song.

In the evening would be the same song but with "good night" instead, and singing "we bless you" rather than "we greet you."

Sometimes we still sing this song when we're feeling particularly sentimental and even after years the words do not escape us.

the path of life

2007-06-28T13:23:00.000-07:00

I dashed this story off late last night because it just came into my mind and I wanted to get it down before I forgot. It's a story about accepting guidance and help. I wrote it about mothers because that was easiest for me at 10.30pm! But in all fairness it ought to include fathers too, or perhaps grandparents, or anyone who is a child's caretaker. I also know it is an idealised portrait of mothers, but perhaps that is part of the story magic. I'll leave it with just mothers here, but it can be adapted as anyone may wish.

When you read it, please do keep in mind the hour at which it was written! I tested it on my own girl this morning and it brought tears to her eyes. But that's not saying much - a grocery list can do that to her!

Dearest child, did you know that life is like a path through the world? Not a real one that you walk on with boots or shoes, but a dream path that lies under all you do. Everyone has their own path, and must travel it in their own way, even if that is a strange way to other people.

This path, it has offshoots, and cul de sacs, and unexpected turns. It has bridges and barriers, rivers and wrong ways, and other things to test you. Sometimes the way is smooth, gentle, easy. Other times, just walking one foot ahead of the other, over difficult terrain, through deep dark valleys, is all you can manage to do.

Now you must understand, God doesn't leave you to walk this path alone. No, she sets a light in the sky to guide you. For some people that light is the sun, fierce and golden, leading them to high roads. For some people it is the moon, taking them into softly-lit places where the trees whisper poems to them and every breeze is a song. And for some the light is one particular star, small yet precious amongst all those millions of stars in the night sky, leading them slowly, with love but only a distant certainty, along paths of mystery. God knows just which light is right for you.

But she does even more, because this is God after all, who loves you utterly. She gives you a guide on your road. Do you know who this guide is? Mummy.

Believe it or not, a mother is the perfect guide for you. She has walked far down her own path, and knows the potential problems and potholes. She can read the signs, and knows exactly where that tempting side path really goes. Even better, a mother comes specially equipped by God for the job. For example, she has a lantern that she uses in the dark times, when trees loom heavily over your way, or mountains crowd around. Her lantern shines with a fragment of your guiding light, entrusted to her by God just to help you.

A mother also has an amazing coat which is given to her when she decides she wants to become a mother. It looks plain enough on the outside, quite drab really - but inside are dozens of silken, rainbow-colored pockets. And in these pockets are things you might need on your journey. There are blankets and spare shoes and warm, comforting foods. There are binoculars, sunscreen, and of course a hat for every season.

Do you know why? Because a mother is God's deputy here in the world. She has her own path, but when you are born hers and yours become one. Other people will also share your path through life - friends and a husband and hopefully your own children too. But your mother will always be there, come valley or ridge, never abandoning you. She is here to help you take the best path you can, have the best life you can, as you experience this wonderful adventure on the way home again to heaven.

the birthday story

2007-06-25T21:14:00.000-07:00

It is a tradition in our family that, for each of Lily's birthday, I tell her a story about her life, especially her past year and the year to come. It amazes me how these stories come to me so easily, and so truly, usually without a lot of conscious thought or planning. I personally believe they are given to me - or rather, to Lily - from above.

Here is one example. However, since I orate them instinctively rather than write them down, it's not the best quality rendition here, just what I remember having said.

When you are seven, it's like you are in a lovely, sheltered garden. Here, the grass is carefully trimmed and as prickle-free as possible. There are bright flowers in tidy beds and fruit trees which are just the right size for climbing. A path spirals gently through the grass, made from the same polished, colored stones as the curving garden walls. At its center is a stone fountain where small, cheerful birds come to bathe. You can throw coins into this fountains and make wishes that are sure to come true. Over the garden walls, you can see the topmost tips of the mountains in the big wide world, and you dream vaguely about one day standing way high up there, and looking out for miles and miles at all the beauty and wonder there is to be seen. But not yet. Not for a while yet.

Becoming eight is like going out of this garden. There is a door in that wall, a heavy wooden door with a special lock that can be opened only once, on the eve of your eighth birthday. While you are sleeping tonight, you will go through that doorway. On the other side, you will find a beautiful meadow rimmed with woods. This parkland is the place of eightness. It is walled just as the garden was, but the walls are further out, and in some places you won't be able to notice them at all.

The grass here is long, untended - wading grass. Wildflowers grow amongst it. Paths run through, leading across the meadow to little hollows seemingly made for stashing away secrets, or into the shadowy woods, or to a narrow stream that meanders through the park. Some of the paths have signposts, but others are a mystery.

You will find the woods comforting, and yet on other days thrilling, as their shadows deepen and the soft rustle of their leaves seems to tell a different story. Amongst the roots of these tall, heavy trees you can find bluebells, wild roses, and mushrooms that you know you mustn't touch. Small, untamed creatures will peek at you from the undergrowth - they won't harm you, and if you are very quiet and gentle you may be able to get them to eat from your hand.

The stream has come down from the mountains of the big wide world out there. It sparkles over very old, smooth stones. When you put your feet in it, you dream strange dreams, as if you can remember your future. It's exactly the right sort of stream for camping beside, and for having a fire over which you can toast marshmallows and tell the stories of your dreams.

Sometimes, standing at the heart of the meadow, you might look out at the mountains of the big wide world, and wonder about them. They seem larger here, closer, as if you could touch them if you reached out your hand. You might think about walking through the lamplit towns at their roots, where money and promises glint as they are exchanged, or you might imagine climbing to their soaring heights where, slightly breathless, you can look out to find the path, the river, the course of your future. But not yet. Not for a while yet.

The door to your old garden is always open. You can return there whenever you need comfort and shelter. You can even run right back through it into the safe, cosy house that is your mother's heart. These things will always be here for you, no matter how old you are or how far you go.

Update: Lily is now many years older, and I continue to tell her this same story - although now she has travelled far from this garden, this safe and cosy house. In each story, we look back at the ones which have gone before, and acknowledge that, although she has left the garden, it remains in her heart always to comfort her and be a safe place.

the power of names

2007-06-24T23:30:00.000-07:00

When my daughter was little, I could convince her to do anything I wanted simply by making it sound enticing. Here are some examples:

* broccoli was a fairy tree

* peas were jewels that, if ingested, would make a child's heartlight shine even more brightly

* drinks could be made delicious simply by calling them by intriguing names - raspberry juice became "rosebud juice" (especially when a few rose petals were added), lime juice was leaf juice, milk was moonwater or cloudjuice, water was straight from the well of heaven

* the shower was a sparkling waterfall

* the bath was a pond in the middle of a forest

* the car seat became the saddle of a glorious pegasus, or a princess chariot

* cars always have names - for example, our old silver Sigma became Ziggy Cardust

* electricity pylons were fairy transmission towers, broadcasting the magical news across the secret kingdom

* gumboots became seven league boots

* a dress became a gown

* a dinner plate is a platter

The list could go on endlessly. It's not just about calling things by cute magical names, its about seeing things in a different way - bringing imagination and wonder to everyday life - making life like a beautiful story. Children are such soulful creatures; they respond so well to this kind of thing.

sanctuary

2007-06-19T13:31:00.000-07:00

If you have a spare corner, you can transform it easily and cheaply into a sanctuary or fairy glen for your child. Buy a mosquito net from a department store and hang it from the roof. These nets come in several colors; I purchased a white one and sewed silk roses all over it and hung it with faux pearl necklaces. I also hung a gold star down the center of the interior and some fleece fairies also.

Inside the net, I piled cushions and blankets for a soft warm nest. I tucked a couple of lovely picture books under the cushions - and sometimes a tiny surprise gift to be discovered by a child needing some cheering up. I provided a miniature tiny china tea set for entertaining teddy or fairy or imaginary guests. I also made a felt gnome to be Keeper of the Sanctuary (but this role could be taken up by a particular doll or stone statue).

With a special magic spell, poem or prayer, such a space could be consecrated for your child so she knows it is her sacred, safe space to go when she needs a rest.

dress designing kit

2007-06-15T23:27:00.000-07:00

When I was young, I loved paper dolls. I had a large collection which I kept until I was thirteen and then ... well, you don't want to hear about their tragic end! I looked forward to being able to play with paper dolls again when I had a child.

Alas, you can not get them any more! At least not like you used to be able to. Not a whole family (oh how I loved the little baby) with a house and furniture and everything. These days, they are all super-sized cutesy bug-eyed things with merely one or two outfits.

So instead I made Lily a dress designing kit. I drew several pictures of girls in underwear onto lightweight card, and provided a shoebox full of fabric cut-offs, gem stickers, ribbon, lace, and so on. Along with some paste and a pair of scissors, it was all a young fashion designer might need.

This doesn't have the charm of the old-fashioned paper dolls but it is a way to stretch the imagination and do something creative.

fairy bowers

2007-06-11T21:43:00.000-07:00

When Lily was little, I used to make fairy houses for her to discover. It has since become quite the trend for homeschoolers, whether they are Waldorf-inspired or not. You can buy some pretty spectacular fairy houses these days, but I think even the ones made by children from natural products are not as lovely, nor as magical, as those mothers have secretly cobbled together from bits and beautiful pieces.

Once the house has been discovered, mail for the occupant can be left in a letterbox, and she may even reply. Or tiny gifts of gemstones or pictures can be left for her. She may left the occasional clue of her occupancy - a scattering of glitter perhaps, or a light (tea candle) left on inside after sunset, glimpsed by the child from her bedroom window.

We also had a couple of elf houses - lopsided creations housing mischievous creatures who were always on the verge of some disaster, especially if the family owned a cat ...

guardians of the wool

2007-06-09T23:47:00.000-07:00

What to do with those pesky last few meters of wool? With the help of your child, wrap them around a wooden peg, draw a face on the peg, attach fleece or wool hair using craft glue, even attach some colored cardboard wings if you wish - and hey presto mama-magic! You have a fairy guardian for the knitting basket. And you can still use the wool if needed ... after all, there are always love knots to tie, and ribbons for doll's hair, and a little fairy ring with a leaf and flower petal within it, and teeny tiny scrolled letters to bind ...

fairy clues

2007-06-09T23:43:00.000-07:00

All houses are blessed by a fairy guardian, a gnome, a domovoi, or a spirit drawn from your own cultural tradition. Here are some ways to bring children into that magic ...

Have a small bell tucked away somewhere which you can ring at random moments and then tell the children a fairy is flying by.

A little bit of glitter scattered on a table can be another clue of her passing.

Small children may be delighted to think that wavering reflections of light on the walls or ceiling are fairy shadows.

A small daisy chain (fairy swing) may be left hanging on the branch of a tree.

A ribbon tied around a branch may have been left by the fairies or the garden gnomes. Perhaps it is the tree's birthday.

Cracks, creaks, and groans of a wooden house may be the housespirit stirring.

A sudden slamming door may remind us to be more peaceful in the home as we may have disturbed its spirit.

A flower may be found lying somewhere in the house, left behind by fairy or gnome.

A saucer of milk or sugared water may be offered to the housespirit if a special blessing is sought from them.

When you have to move house, you may ask the fairies to accompany you, or you may write a farewell letter to them. At the new house, a small gift from its fairy or spirit, left in a certain bedroom, will welcome the child. There may also be a familiar scent in the air or a special rose perfume wafting about - further proof that either her fairy has come with her or the new house has one of its own.

rainbow paper

2007-06-09T23:34:00.000-07:00

Instead of giving your child plain white paper for writing on, why not offer paper that has been first painted with soft watercolors? Or you can simply paint/color a frame around a centre of white if you prefer. I also cut the page into an oval or round shape so the edges aren't quite so stark.

It can be nice for children to draw or paint on paper that has already been prepared in this way. I think it is especially helpful for younger children who don't have the stamina to color in the whole background of a picture themselves. With pre-painted paper, their pictures are warm and rich and deep, which may encourage them to connect more emotionally with the process of drawing.

Of course, the child can be the one who does the initial painting (wet-on-wet creates the best effect). If they don't fill the entire page with color, you can simply cut around the edges.

the magic bubble

2007-06-08T23:22:00.000-07:00

When your child has a secret to share, or some troubles they want help with, but they are too anxious or shy to tell them, you can surround yourselves with a magic bubble. It is usually most helpful to first settle you both in a safe, quiet place, such as their bedroom, where you know you won't be interrupted. (However, the magic bubble technique can also be used in a crowded area if required for a sense of sanctified privacy.)

Making a big deal of creating the bubble with a magic spell may be necessary for some children, usually those of a younger age. Older children may be happy enough with simple guided imagery.

The magic bubble is also useful when you have difficult news which requires an atmosphere of containment for its telling.

little sugar moments

2007-06-08T00:22:00.000-07:00

Something I'm glad I learned when Lily was little was how to handle transitions and small daily chores so that it wasn't just a matter of them going smoothly but actually of them being a fun time. Here are some suggestions that work well for most children, but especially those who are sensitive to change. They are carried over from a weblog I had several years ago :

Shoes and Socks

When your child needs to get on their socks and shoes prior to going out, make sure you have left enough time to handle this moment. While they are still young, you can help them by talking cheerfully to their feet - in our house we had Foot One and Foot Two (who was a bit of a rascal). I chatted with them in a silly sing-song voice as I applied socks and then shoes. Sometimes the shoes could be a problem - they would argue with me in French accents, wrestling to get out of my hands. A child may find it amusing to be told their shoes are calling to them, or that their socks are feeling limp and forlorn and need to be given a purpose for their lives. (The funny thing is that, even today, when Lily's fingers and feet are frozen from being in the winter sea all day long, I help her put on her socks, and still say hello to Foots One and Two. She laughs at me, but at least it's an endearing kind of laugh.)

Getting Dressed

The same principle also applies beautifully to getting dressed. Clothes can dance and talk (preferably in funny voices) and argue with each other. A cardigan may refuse to go on top of a blouse and have to be convinced. A coat may ask for a hug. Children may respond well to imagining their everyday clothes are infact glorious gowns, superhero costumes, or a spy's disguise.

Bedtime

When needing a child to come into their bedroom at the end of the day, you could race them. Very few children can resist a race! They may be especially delighted when you run in exaggerated slow-motion, fall over, crash in dramatic fashion against the doorframe then twirl around and collapse operatically on the bed.

Teeth Cleaning

I always used the Billy Goats Gruff story at teeth-cleaning time. A wide open mouth for the shocked goats. A long teeth-clenched mouth for the troll. In later years, it was more a matter of "polishing pearls". Sometimes when circumstances called for it, I would clean my teeth alongside my child and sing in a wordless, crazy manner that never failed to make her laugh. It can also be helpful to clean each other's teeth. This distracts the child while you make sure she is getting a good cleaning, and also gives you a sympathy for how she must feel!

The Car Seat

I know issues with the car seat are supposed to be about the child wanting control, but when I think about it from their perspective, it seems more likely to be a concern over the discomfort of being trapped in this bucket for goodness knows how long. My solution was always to use story. Before we approached the car, I explained to my daughter where we were going, how long it would take, and what we would see along the way. I suggested some things she might look for, and we made a game of it. When I knew it would be asking a lot of her to come on a car ride with me, I promised a small treat either during or after the trip.

Once at the car, all those fine fun words often prove worthless as the child resists getting into the ~~Evil Bucket~~ car seat. Here again I used story and much dramatic acting. I pretended to be her servant, and with grand gestures (and a terrible French accent) I opened the chariot door for her. I also might have called out to the golden horses which pull the chariot - or, if no one was around, included her in the fantasy by helping her to imagine them, even pat them. We might have taken an apple to feed to the horses after the trip. Then the princess was lifted into her throne/saddle, with much grandiosity.

(If none of this works, silence while handling the struggling child is my second best remedy!)

Going Home

When it was time to leave the park, I gave two or even more warnings about the time - five minutes, three minutes, one last minute. (I madid sure I do this ten or fiften minutes before I actually had to leave!) And then I went over very quietly and took my daughter's hand, and said in a soft voice that it was time to go. I added that we could pretend to be shy rabbits, and tiptoe away ... or scamper, like squirrels ... or flutter like fairies not wanting to waken the wild animals thereabouts.

Was I embarassed tiptoeing, scampering, fluttering? Not in the slightest. Have you ever seen another mother playing with her happy, laughing child and felt she was embarassing herself? No, you admire her for her spirit, and wish your child was always so happy.

For older children leaving a place when they don't want to go, I would explain that if they left peacefully, I would have the energy and enthusiasm to play a counting game or twenty questions with them in the car.

The important thing about leaving times is to make a calm moment for you and your child in which you come down to their height, touch them if they need that to focus them, and speak to them quietly, gently, but cheerfully. Explain the need to go, where you're headed next, and that you'll be able to come back. Remind them what is expected of them at this moment. Help them finish up anything left undone. Sometimes, a little treat saved for these transitions can be helpful for the more sensitive children, such as dried fruit (okay, a cookie!) or a tiny toy.

Remember, being thrown a distant, "it's time to go now!" can be disturbing even for adults. If a child is absolutely resistant to leaving, getting out quick is the best solution. Just plough through the tantrum and don't worry about witnesses - most of whom have been there, done that, or will some day.

Once away, change the mood by singing happily or, if something more calming is required, by taking slow deep breaths which your child will instinctively (eventually) imitate. Growling at a child for mishandling transitions is not really fair, they mostly just can't help it. And they will get better with time and patience.

Mary Sheedy Kurcinka has written a book called Raising A Spirited Child which may help those with sensitive children who find transition moments difficult.

magic tattoos

2007-06-07T23:57:00.000-07:00

When you are out and about and your child is getting fractious, a simple way to distract and delight them is to draw something special on their hand using ballpoint pen. I often draw flowers on the backs of Lily's hands, rings around her fingers, sometimes even bracelets of flowers and curls. She also likes seeing her name written in fancy letters. For boys, animals may be enjoyed, or trees, or complex designs following the idea of Celtic knots.

This technique never fails to stop my little girl from crying, and put her in a good mood for the rest of the outing.

the tooth fairy

2007-06-07T23:24:00.000-07:00

When I was a child, one of my favorite friends was the tooth fairy. We had a correspondence, she and I, and of course I treasured her every visit - not so much for the coin she left but the marvelous fact that a fairy actually came into my room. I wanted to share this spirit of wonderment with my own daughter, so the tooth fairy was a very special visitor to our home for several years. The following ideas are based on our experience :

The children's author/artist Shirley Barber has a beautiful story of the tooth fairy which addresses that old question, "what does the tooth fairy do with my teeth?" My response to this question has always been, as in the story, that she places them in the sky as new stars. Beautifully cared for teeth become special golden stars.

There are several lovely tooth boxes and crystal containers available in shops, but you can also place them under the pillow as is traditional, perhaps in a lovely pouch if you wish.

A child might be happy to write a note to the tooth fairy, thanking her for taking the tooth and for any gift she might leave.

Your child may be lucky enough to receive a letter in reply from the tooth fairy. These are tiny things, written on beautiful, delicate paper that can be found in craft and scrapbooking stores. The letters may be decorated with glitter, tiny drawings, or flower petals. It may be tucked into a tiny envelope (perhaps shaped from colored paper into a leaf or petals) or rolled up and wrapped with ribbon.

Some children are amazed to see tiny fairy footprints left on their windowsill, a few accidentally scattered petals, or a trail of sparkling fairy dust.

Instead of coins, the tooth fairy might eschew commercialism and leave a gem which could be located at a craft store or even an aquarium as they are often used as fish tank ornaments. Or she might leave a polished sea shell, a costume ring, a rosebud, a charm for a bracelet, a fairy wand, or a pouch of blessed fairy dust. Some fairies leave toothbrushes, but this isn't quite magical enough for our local fairy!

One bit of advice to parents from someone who was heartbroken when my father unmasked himself : certainly allow your child to enjoy the tooth fairy, to anticipate her arrival, and to write to her at the appropriate time - but do not weave the magic so expertly that a sensitive child becomes too emotionally involved!